Focusing on the Next Five Minutes
New series: My first year of motherhood. The trials, tears, love, and joy.
It all started a year ago. It is personal, it is raw, and it is scary to share. Here are my personal journal entries, it has been a hard year, I am finally ready to share. I will be sharing my story in a series starting from last year to now.
Day 3: Pregnant and unemployed Jan. 9. 2016
Today is technically Saturday; I don’t know whether to give myself a free pass on today or not? Either way, it’s day 3. Billy had to work today, so I am tackling today alone. It’s dreary, wet, and cold outside. Archer is curled up on the couch as always. I still haven’t told any of my close friends about me being laid off. I feel embarrassed, and don’t want to think about it. I didn’t sleep well last night.
I am sitting here talking and singing “You Are My Sunshine” to Eleanor in the quietness of our home.
I know in 18 weeks nothing will be the same. The quietness will be filled with cries and noise. I can’t wait to meet her and have her little fingers to grab mine. She is my motivation to work through this. I just want to leave and escape.
I realize leaving and escaping cost money, which I don’t have much of right now. Right now we have to stay put, as much as I need an escape, like a vacation. Maybe I will win the lottery, and none of this will be a burden anymore?! That’s a long-shot.
Why is it that some people have it so easy in life, and opportunities just seem to fall in their lap, while others have it terribly hard? I feel I am clawing my way through life. I know that may not be fully true, yet I am still angry.
This chapter in my life has been one of the toughest so far. I am trying to stay positive, all while growing a baby girl inside me. I don’t know where tomorrow will take me, all I know is that I need to focus on the next five minutes.
As mothers we do go to dark places at times and go through many different things, we are exhausted, and we need a place where we can relate. We search mommy blogs for reliability, for inclusion, and to not to feel alone. Please comment and tell me your stories. This series is for all mothers.