Who am I outside of Mom?
August 1, 2017
Finding myself again.
I feel as if the universe is trying to tell me something. Am I supposed to be a mom right now? Am I supposed to put my dreams, my goals and my ambitions on hold, maybe? Raising a child is not for the weak, the sacrifice is one of the largest you will ever make.
Through the many therapy sessions, post-partum, and full-time mom status, I am fighting each day to understand who I am outside of Mom. What defines me, who am I outside of wiping snotty noses, packing snacks, watching crappy kid shows, changing diapers and making sure Ellie gets her play date for the week. I crave real conversation about life, ambitions, and dreams. I will admit I get so tired of talking to other moms about how my kid won’t eat broccoli or is teething again! Why can’t we switch gears and say, “What inspires you?” “What do you love to do outside of being a mom?”
I don’t know who I am right now; I have tackled a lot of things and feel I have failed at so many. Yes, I know you have to fail to succeed at life. I am 26 years old, and my life has been flipped upside down. I don’t feel like the woman I was before I had Ellie. I start my day the same way every day, watching my daughter shove cheerios and bananas in her face. While I sip mute warm coffee and smile back at her as we bob up and down to “hooked on a feeling” by Blue Swede, it’s my daughter’s favorite song. I am happy being a mother, I love my little girl, and I wouldn’t give up the giggles and snuggles daily for anything. Though there is a part of me that is screaming inside saying, “when will my time come? Will I always just be a mom? Outside of my daughter, what is my purpose?”
As mothers we do go to dark places, we are exhausted, filled with anxiety, and need a place where we can relate. We search mommy blogs for relatability, for inclusion, and not to feel alone. Please comment and tell me your stories.