An Honest Look at Postpartum Life as a Food and Mommy Blogger
Life as a blogger. You hide behind a computer — picking and choosing what you decide to write. Picking and choosing the stories you want to share with the world. Deciding what will be relatable, what will get the most views, comments, or likes. And you stress over the constant failure you may perceive yourself to be.
Some days, I think, “There goes another recipe that got no views.” That’s my life right now. I know, on the surface, everyone thinks, “Holy shit! Wow! Look at her go!” Well, to be honest, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Some days, I do not want to do this. I am tired, I am exhausted, and I am trying to figure out who I am in all this craziness.
Speaking of the craziness, my days are filled with house cleaning, which, honestly, has been overtaken by baby stuff. Can we pause real fast and discuss how much crap a tiny human requires?! Oh my god, just to leave the house, you look like you’re moving out!
Any way, I spend my days playing with my daughter, doing tummy time, and creating a schedule, so our lives can be semi-normal. Ellie is doing great on her schedule.
I struggle with my new normal as mom — day in and day out. I find myself focused on everyone else’s needs but my own. Well, duh, I am a mom, right? That’s what I am supposed to do. I wear yoga pants and I don’t do yoga, and I wear my hair in a bun most days, because I don’t have the energy to flat iron it. And, well, I also have a daughter who has a limited amount of time till her rattle and mat with white and black colors gets boring. Then, she demands to move on to something else. Meaning, I have time to basically smear on foundation to cover my acne and the bags under my eyes, and dab on some bronzer. Then, I put on my glasses, and go. This is it. This is my new normal.
As a mom, I feel like I am kicking ass. Don’t we all most days? Yes, we all question ourselves, wondering if we are really doing this mom thing right, but when our kid laughs for the first time, or smiles, or holds their bobbly head up, we feel so damn proud!
I will be honest. My daughter sleeps pretty well. Yeah, everyone tells me, “Ohhh, just wait. She will switch it up on you!” Ok, well, for right now, I feel I am doing pretty well. We have a nightly routine and she is down by 7pm every night. I can plan our day so my kid isn’t an asshole, or overly tired or hungry. Life is good when you can predict when your kid will be a total ass. Avoidance is key! I was that person in Target once with the screaming baby, and I hated every minute of it. I felt helpless and alone as the cashier looked blankly at me while my daughter wailed. She handed me my receipt, while I was trying to shove a pacifier in my kid’s mouth, which I knew she wouldn’t take, though I was praying she would! I have learned Ellie’s cues, and have a schedule so she is nursed, napped, and changed before we decide to go anywhere. Mind you, sometimes she does throw me for a loop. Before you go and judge, just know that I’m definitely not perfect. But you truly play with fire if you miss any of those steps before leaving the house, and decide to take your kid anywhere. An overly tired baby is just the worst.
I decided to write this post because I see too many mommy blogs that are cookie cutter. Cooking in a kitchen with an apron on, and their kid on the counter smiling like they are helping. Really? Come on! Most of us, including me, cook, but not every day, and most of the time, I have my kid in a highchair buying time till I see the wrath of tired roll across her face like a bulldozer! As my water is boiling, and I am in the middle of a sautéing, I have to stop everything I am doing to put her down to bed. And sometimes that can take a lot longer than I expect.
I don’t take fancy photos all the time either. Why? Because I don’t have the time! I take a photo I feel is ok, just like any of you all would take. The other day, I was looking at another mommy blog and realized the perfection, the legit perfection! Jealously then raided my insides, and I wondered, What am I doing wrong? I have been doing this for years. Why am I not on that level???? I then looked around, and laughed at myself, knowing I am not in the kitchen at the moment. I am sitting on my fitness mat, not working out, looking at my daughter smile. And, may I add, I just consumed my weight in leftover Thai food that was semi cold. I’m not cooking some fancy dish in the kitchen.
Do I cook? Of course I do! It’s obvious that I love to cook! Some recipes are reused, and re-posted on my website, though, because I am a mom who does not have one hundred million hours to cook like I used to a few years ago.
I wanted to write something that was honest. I am not perfect, and I am not cookie cutter. I am genuine. I am a mom, a chef, and a blogger, who wants her audience to know life gets crazy and our stories change, our voice changes, and not everyone is as they perceive themselves to be on social media. I rock yoga pants, and I eat whatever I can get my hands on when the day slips away from me. I go, “Oh my god, I haven’t eaten today!” I will be honest. Most days, I drink a protein shake for lunch. Today, I ate a hotdog with no bun, and a few Doritos.
Yes, I make time to cook delicious food, paired with amazing wine. People go, “How do you do it, Nisa?” There are those days when the stars align, and I get a few amazing hours of cook time! This is when I love all the songs on my Pandora station, and don’t have to skip once. That is a good day! But then there are days where I eat Thai food cold, listen to the same Disney song over and over again, and dance crazy in my kitchen to see my daughter giggle. Why? Because I love my daughter’s smile. Then, there are days I forget to brush my teeth, and it’s almost 2pm. There are also days where I hear my tummy rumble, and realize I really haven’t eaten. While I am making funny voices to my daughter and smiling ear to ear to see her reaction, I just quickly pour myself a big glass of water and dump a few scoops of protein powder in it and go!
I want you all to know it’s ok not to be perfect, but it’s also ok to be good at what you do. You don’t have to be good at it all the time and it’s ok to be honest.