My Choice to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
As I sit here at my desk contemplating if I will finish my whole cup of coffee, I look around at the photos that surround my desk and smile. I am hoping I can finish this cup before my daughter wakes up. Or even this blog entry.
Lately, my life feels like one day just rolls into the next. I am the one here 24-7, with no days off. It’s hard being at home. It is not all everyone assumes it’s cracked up to be. I miss adult interaction, the camaraderie of the workplace, and having someone other than a baby to eat lunch with. I get lonely and think, “Wow, trying to manage a house, blog, and a baby is hard.”
I never thought this would be as hard as it is. My daughter is pretty easy as far as babies go. I will admit to that — we got lucky. She’s an awesome sleeper, cries only when she needs something and she’s very smiley. Yet, I am nursing and that in itself is a job. We have hard days and it kind of drives me nuts when my husband comes home and he says, “Yeah, she’s easy.” I am like, “Well, you haven’t been home the past three hours with her fussiness.” I have had to stop myself quite a bit from allowing feelings of resentment to set in. And, instead, I focus on how I chose this path and how I know it was for my daughter.
I am only a few months into being a stay-at-home mom. Despite the craziness, it is wonderful too. I love that I get to see her reach every milestone, see her smiles everyday, wear yoga pants or exercise pants if I want, and forego makeup for days, because who’s judging? I work behind a computer, and my office attire is what I say it can be. Right now, actually, I am in a nursing tank top, which I leaked through a little, and pink pajama pants. And, my hair is in a bun on the top of my head!
Our mornings are not rushed and we can go at our own pace, which is pretty beautiful. Though, I do miss being able to just get up and go somewhere if I need something, or if I just want to get out of the house.
My mother stayed at home with my sister and I. As a child, I remember how much I loved her being there. I knew I could always count on her if I needed someone to pick me up from school when I was sick, or to be with me at lunch on my birthday. She inspired me to think outside the box, enjoy the present, and understand nothing is forever. You just have to get through what you are handed right now. She put her life on hold to make our lives better, and now I am doing just that. My main priority in life right now is to raise my daughter, and to be there for her if she needs me. I hope I can be there to pick her up from school, deliver cupcakes to her at lunch on her birthday, and be a room mom like my mom was. I have a new appreciation for my mother and a new respect for all the hard work she did as a single mom. She did it alone. I can’t imagine doing it all alone. I tell her that a lot and say, “Wow! How did you do it? I love you mom.”
This morning, I am sipping my coffee, listening to my classical Pandora station, looking down at my half eaten yogurt and realizing my day of tummy time, snuggles, nursing, and joy is about to start. Yes, there are many things I miss since becoming a stay-at-home mom, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am proud to say I am a blogger/mommy who decided to stay home and raise her daughter.
Photos: Nisa Burns Cochran